Golden Globes Fashion Wrap-Up!

Because I'm totally shallow and I pretty much only watch awards shows for the dresses, I thought I'd share with you my catty comments about the presenters, winners, etc. kind of in order of their appearance.

Jennifer Lopez-Thumbs Down. Great dress, great color, but not on her. It totally accentuates her hips and butt and she doesn't really need any help there. The hairstyle is also too severe and doesn't help the look at all. Too bad.

Kate Winslet-Thumbs up. Understated, classy and that accent makes her seem even more elegant.

CNN-Big Thumbs Down. Have you heard of the West Coast geniuses? Way to splash the winners on your home page. and spoil it for those of us who thought we'd actually watch the show to learn the results.

Sting-Eh. Not loving the Castaway look but still, he's Sting.

Eva Longoria-Thumbs Up. Gorgeous color and a very pretty dress that only she could pull off. I'm not loving all the cleavage, but that's just me and the pretty scalloped edge does showcase the girls nicely. I would've liked to see some gems around her neck (rubies or sapphires would've been great), but still, she looks beautiful and very ladylike.

Miss Golden Globe-Whatever.

Laura Dern-Thumbs down. Her dress and jewelry are pretty enough, but I feel like she could have looked so much better. Her dress, though nice, was plain and she could have looked really amazing. Plus, political speeches annoy me.

Eva Mendes-Sadly, thumbs down. I would've loved to give her a thumbs up because I saw her necklace on the red carpet footage and fell in love with it. Gorgeous. But her dress looks like it's throwing up and her hair looks like my 3 year-old cousin Sophie put it up for her. No offense, Sophie.

Anna Paquin-Holy shit! When did Anna Paquin grow up? And go blonde? I like her updo, and her ability to resist the urge to get breast implants. But she has got to stop going to Letterman's dentist.

Ricky Gervais-Two thumbs up. Hilarious. Never disappoints.

Best Motion Picture, Animated-Woo hoo!!! Finally, a category I've seen all the nominees of!

Sally Hawkins-for God's sake, eat a sandwich. And some pasta. With butter. And bacon. And a chicken. I'm afraid she won't have the stamina to walk all the way to the stage to accept her award.

Drew Barrymore-Thumbs down. Drew, HURRY! Get back in your time machine and fire your stylist. Have you happened to look in a mirror tonight? I did see her purse on the red carpet and it is so pretty, as is her jewelry, but it's not enough.

Demi Moore-Thumbs up. She looks gorgeous, although the halter on her dress doesn't look like it belongs there, and also looks like it's strangling her. But she looks lovely. Too bad she looks better than her daughter.

Waltz With Bashir-woo hoo and a hearty Mazal Tov.

Maggie Gylenhaaalll-Thumbs down. Not liking the poofy curtain dress. And the updo makes her look old. And the earrings don't go.

Laura Linney-Thumb sideways. If Stacy and Clinton and I have said it once, we've said it a thousand times, "If you wear a color that's too close too your skin tone, it makes you look washed out." So, even though her dress is gorgeous and someone else would look great in it, Laura Linney, who is the same color from hair to skin to dress, looks like a big, beige blob.

Elizabeth Banks-see above. And her dress looks like it's been done before.

Seth Rogin-Looks good, sounds dumb. Find a new shtick.

Slumdog Millionaire-Woo hoo. A win for best screenplay and a bunch of other stuff, including Best Picture. Duh. It was SUCH a good story! Slumdog Millionaire screenwriter: your shirt is too big.

Amy Poehler-Good enough for a new mom. Please, please, please come back to SNL Amy.

Grim Reaper Anti-Tobacco Ad-Thumbs up. Such a good ad. Seriously, who still smokes?

Renee Zellwegger-There are not enough thumbs in California to point downward. WTF??? Is Renee maybe preparing for a role as a crazy white trash spinster? Did she piss off her stylist who put then put one over on her a la "The Emperor's New Clothes?" Has she finally gone over the damn edge? Or did someone bet her that she couldn't possibly show up looking worse than she ever has in her life? If so, they so lost that one.

Megan Fox-Thumbs up in a big way. Gorgeous dress. Could've chosen nicer jewelry. Overall, the look is wonderful, but the tattoos, not so much.

Paul Giamatti-An accomplished actor, to be sure, but to me, he'll always remain Pig Vomit.

Glenn Close-Thumbs down. She looks like the matronly 2-pack a day smoking hostess at your local family-owned Chinese restaurant. Patty Hewes wouldn't have been caught dead in that getup.

Tina Fey(lin)-Hate to say, thumbs down. She would have looked so great in a beautiful jewel tone. Her hair and makeup are also too severe. She could maybe borrow Jane Krakowski's stylist next time? Then she could look old and wear the same color as everyone else.

Pierce Brosnan-DREAMY!!!! Always. Same with Kiefer Sutherland.

Kate Beckinsale-Eh. Again. love the dress, not the jewelry and hair. And curiously, the top of her dress makes me want to go find some raspberries and chocolate shavings to put on top.

Jane Krakowksi-Thumbs down. Another white dress. Blah blah. Cute haircut but her makeup makes her look old and dated. And she needs a better bra.

Sigourney Weaver-Yawn.

Sandra Bullock-Seriously? ANOTHER white dress? The other ones look better. I love ruffles, but Sandra's just make her look like a wedding cake. And not one of those cute trendy ones on Ace of Cakes.

Salma Hayak-Surprise. A white dress and an updo. She looks a little like the mummy with the wrapping and shirring. But in a good way.

Penelope Cruz-Thumbs up. An off white dress with just enough shimmer and sparkle. Her hair down (what a risk-taker!). Pretty jewelry and makeup. Well done.

Frieda Pinto-Thumbs way down. Too bad. She's beautiful. But her dress looks like a crumpled up grocery sack. So disappointing. I would've loved to see her in something bright and gorgeous. I'm so bummed about the dress that I won't even say anything about her carrying her evening bag onstage. It's her first time at the Globes; she'll learn.

Cameron Diaz-Thumbs up. Color at last!! A pretty coral shade and her hair down and flowing. She can sometimes make questionable wardrobe choices but tonight she picked a winner!

House-Damn! I was so rooting for House. Mad Men Shmad Men.

And there you have it loyal readers. Another awards show, another 3 hours of me commenting on celebrity wardrobes as if I have a clue what I'm talking about. It was a fun show, especially with all the Brits saying "Mumbai" over and over. Loved Sascha Baron Cohen. And Tracy Morgan in his white jacket. Kate Winslet was lovely and I have a feeling she'll be giving a few more acceptance speeches before the awards season is over. Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange seemed drunk. And seeing drunk celebrities is is why you tune in to the Golden Globes after all. Speaking of celebrities, we saw Charlie Sheen at lunch today.

An 80-degree January day, celebrity sightings at lunch, and an inconsequential awards to show to blather on about. Really, a perfect Los Angeles day.

Speaking of Reality TV...

If you haven't already, I really encourage you to check out Fox's Secret Millionaire. The premise is that a millionaire goes incognito into a very poor part of the country and must live on welfare wages for a week. During that time, he or she must also identify three individuals to help with a minimum of $100,000 of his or her own money. I've been so inspired by the people that have been featured as the recipients of the gifts. Even in difficult conditions, many are finding ways to help others, giving of their own homes, time and resources. What I also like about the show is that it highlights problems in our country that many of us just don't think about from depressed former coal-mining towns to cities that have never recovered from Hurricane Katrina. Along with changing the lives of the people they help, I'd like to think that the millionaires also go away from the experience with a new outlook.

This show is a far cry from Temptation Island and some of the other reality crap that we've been forced to endure. I highly recommend it and hope Fox keeps it around for a while.

Biggest Loser Finale Wrap-Up

I have to admit, I'm a newcomer to the legion of The Biggest Loser fans. When I first heard of the show I thought it would be a cheap exploitation of fat people for studio profits. After hearing how good the show was from many friends, we finally got hooked last season. I no longer think the contestants are being exploited but the for-profit aspect of the show still bugs. Sugar free gum is not diet food, Bob. Telling us it is makes you look silly. Anyhoo, last night was this season's finale and it didn't disappoint. Here's my take on the winners, losers and others. Oh wait, the losers were the winners. So confusing.

• Ed and Heba: So much to say about these two. First off, it was a total slap that Ed begged the viewers to vote Heba into the finale and they voted him in instead. That should be a clue as to how likable these two were. At first they seemed like the cute newlyweds and she was kind of pretty and he was the funny guy. But as the show wore on, Heba showed her true colors, her meanness and her ruthlessness. Who could stand one more second of her incessant crying and whining. I felt sorry for Bob for having to train her. She was awful to watch. It wasn't a big surprise that she won the $100,000 consolation prize. Of all the contestants that competed for that prize, she was at the ranch the longest. Amy should've won that. All that being said, they looked great at the finale. However Heba, losing 100 pounds doesn't give you license to go braless on national TV. WTF? It looked like she tucked her boobs into her pantyhose. Ick.

• Vicki: Ugly is as ugly does. I honestly cannot imagine going on national TV, letting the world know what an ugly, evil human being you are, then having to go back into your community and having to face people again daily. For you non-TBL watchers, think Corinne at the Survivor finale (watch reality TV much?). I seriously can't ever imagine being that mean right to someone's face. It's one thing to be motivated to win a game; it's another altogether to be mean, nasty, cutthroat and awful to perfectly nice people who are there for the same reasons as you. Her treatment of Phil & Amy (more on them later) was beyond disgusting. I think if her children were older and watched the show they would be so embarrassed by her meanness, cheating and underhanded tactics (and their dad's too). I also think it'll be difficult for her to maintain the weight loss. They showed how hard she had to work to prepare for the finale and that it gave her almost no time with her family. That pace will be difficult to maintain without the obvious motivation she got from the possibility of beating the other contestants. As hard as she worked, she still came in last place at the finale. I give all the credit to Karma.


• Phil & Amy: Oh my gosh! How great did these two look? Phil and Amy were my favorite couple and I hated the way they were treated by Vicki and her lackeys. You could tell Bob was sad when they left and wasn't overly thrilled that Vicki stayed when Amy was gone. It was so wonderful to see them back, looking amazing! Amy rocked her red dress (and I loved that she wore red when so many others wore black) and did look smoking hot! They were gracious in the face of those who treated them so poorly. And even nasty Vicki admitted that Phil helped motivate her when she was home and feeling down. Did you notice how Phil looked at Amy when she was onstage? You could see his love for her written all over his face. I am so happy for this nice couple.

• Michele: Hooray for awesome Michelle!!!! What a deserving winner. It seemed like her formula for success was simply working hard and staying above the pettiness and backstabbing. How much fun was it when she hung in the glass box seemingly without a care in the world while Vicki cried and whined and couldn't get down? Her efforts were for the right reasons: to get healthy and improve her life. Along the way, she strengthened her relationship with her mom, and began to not just rely on herself, but value who she was and realize that she was worth taking care of. Such an important lesson for a young woman to learn. I imagine it must have been difficult to be the only black team member left with three horrid blue team members left. Yet she kept her focus and kept working hard. Although she scares the crap out of me, Jillian did a great job helping Michelle stay on track and WIN!
  

I'm so glad another season of The Biggest Loser will start in early January. It's always inspiring to see these transformations and the cat fighting is a little bonus entertainment. Hopefully they can leave the evil awful people out of the cast next time.

Update: Today's LA Times states that likability cost Heba the biggest loser title. She did, in fact, lose a higher percentage of her starting weight than Michelle. But her scheming and bullying made her a target of the TV audience who voted to keep her out of the finale. Vicky, meanwhile, has had to change her home phone number due to harassment and death threats. They both state that they were depicted inaccurately and that viewers are uncomfortable seeing such strong women. Bullshit. Viewers are uncomfortable seeing such horrible women. And Vicki seems to be reaping the proper consequences of how she played the game. Thanks again, Karma.

It's A Wiggles World

It all started when Julia was a toddler and the Disney channel would play short clips of 4 Australian guys singing cheery songs in between shows. Little did we know that the Wiggles were on the cusp of world domination.

We bought her a Wiggles CD and joyously all sang along and laughed as she mispronounced all the words. Eventually, the CD got stolen out of my car, she outgrew the music and we became a full-fledged Thomas family. That's right, by this time Ethan had joined our family and as much as he liked an occasional Elmo or Blue's Clues, he was, and still remains, a Thomas fan through and through. That is, until a couple of months before his 4th birthday (the one he almost didn't get to have because boys who still wear diapers have to stay 3) when he suddenly fell in love with Greg, Murray, Anthony and Jeff and declared that he wanted a Wiggles birthday party. The stars aligned, I found a bunch of Wiggles party stuff on clearance and the party was a success.

Of course by now Mr. Bunch had also joined our family and little did we know it but his little ears had been listening to all that Wiggles music all along. So much so that when he started saying Giggo Giggo and we all thought it was so cute, my MIL correctly deciphered it as actually his attempt to say Wiggles. All of a sudden our Tivo went into Wiggles overdrive. This kid whose attention span is shorter than a Lindsey Lohan stint in rehab (i.e. don't blink) will actually sit through a 25 minute episode of the Wiggles.

This was a really really good thing until we went from having three working televisions to one. As anyone knows, the youngest member of any family runs the household. So here we sit in our overheated master bedroom, watching episode after episode of Giggo Giggo. Though we have several episodes recorded, it's not uncommon to find us watching the same episode more than once a day. The little guy will not still sit for Sesame Street or, much to his older siblings' dismay, Wow Wow Wubzy or Spongebob Squarepants or anything else. Giggo it must be. And in the car, we get to watch and listen to Wiggles DVDs. This is what I mean by world domination.

Thankfully, I've always liked the Wiggles. Their songs are cheerful and catchy and they don't get on my nerves like they do several of my mommy friends'. I'd much rather listen to an endless loop of Hot Potato than one performance of insipid Barney, for example, singing I Love You, You Love Me. So our little Wiggles obsession could be much worse to tolerate than it is.

The funniest part of all this is that now Julia is a born-again Wiggles fan. She loves the shows, she likes the songs and she jumps out of her seat to dance along. She's even got the choreography down. She probably would prefer that her friends think she spends her days watching Hannah Montana, but the truth is much sweeter.

You might be tempted to post a comment about the perils of too much television for children. Don't bother. I have no floors; basically, no downstairs. If Giggo is going to get my kid to sit still while I feed him and save me from having macaroni and cheese smeared into my bedroom carpet, then bring it on. If three kids will sit down and be quiet and not ask me for one more thing for 25 minutes so I can figure out which fire to put out next, then thank the Lord. And if these Wiggles will distract my babies from the fact that their house is a disaster, their mom has lost her mind and their dad is a little broken, then it's a miracle indeed.

To All My Readers Who Are Emmy Voters

I know it's a stretch, but just in case:

Do the right thing and vote for House, M.D. for Best Drama. That's it. Fill out your little ballot and drop it in the mail so the little CPA guys with the pocket protectors can count it and give the gaudy trophy to House. Not just cause it's a great, smart show with some unbelievably funny lines. Not only because the acting is really really good (and shame on you for overlooking Hugh Laurie in the acting category), the regular cast as well as a lot of awesome guest spots. And not just because the competition isn't all that much to get excited about (OK, maybe Grey's Anatomy but not the other stuff). But also because my friend Garrett is a co-executive producer and has written a lot of the good stuff this season. And he's a good guy and has had to pay his dues by working on shows like John Doe and Roswell and LAX (his idea to put Heather Locklear in a shower on the tarmac, no wonder it got cancelled), so this makes the nomination that much sweeter.