Blog Vomit

Wow, I just realized that I didn't blog during the entire month of February. I know it's a short month, but still. Bad me. Between birthday, Valentine's, family visits, Uppercase Living, and the normal day to day stuff that comes with a busy household (not to mention the OctoMom), it seems my blog got neglected. Not that anyone noticed (other than my mom).

So here's a quick rundown to catch you up. I'll spare you the promises of more frequent blogging; we both know that's a crapshoot. If it makes you feel better, know that I miss this and if I thought anyone was reading it, I'd feel awfully guilty.

• My baby turned 3. I can't believe it, but the potty training battles assure me that it's true. We had a Spongebob Squarepants party complete with kelp shakes and Krabby Patties. Photos to come. Someday.
• I'm now in the planning stages of a Mario Kart party. It seems that my days of sparkly princess parties are behind me. Boo!
• Speaking of birthdays, Ray turned 40. He seems to have survived it! Sadly, there was no big trip or party (Thanks, Economy) but we had a nice celebration and he's gotten over the trauma.
• Softball season is underway. Softball practice is at the exact same time as dance. This sucks. Softball doesn't. It's fun to be back in the bleachers, watching the girls who have improved so much since last year, and the younger ones just starting out. I love that Julia loves this stuff so much. The reality is that the practices and games are quite a pain to manage, but it's totally worth it.
• I backed my minivan into a parked truck yesterday and smashed a taillight. SO ANNOYED.
• The bad news: my old piece of crap cell phone finally died. The good news: I got a new BlackBerry Storm. The bad news: I haven't figured out all its idiosyncrasies yet. Like why I only get some of my email. I'm fearful that this will warrant a call to the call center in Bangladesh or the Philippines.
• I expect Ray to have a new job by the beginning of next week. Of course, this is wonderful news and it'll be nice to have an income again. But it's been SO nice having him around these last few months. The kids and I have loved it. The new job will be close to home (except for when he's traveling) and I expect it to be good for our family in the long run. It'll be a while before we dig out from under the financial impact of his being out of work but we'll be fine eventually. I'm proud of us for not getting on each other's nerves (much) the entire time he was home and am already trying to figure out how to minimize his office time and maximize our family time.
• UL continues to be fun and rewarding. I am excited to have a new team member who also happens to be a friend. Great products and great promotions have made this a good time to be in this business.

There you have it. I would love to post some pictures of the Spongebob Party here soon. If nothing else, it'll maybe discourage some poor misdirected mom from endeavoring to punch enough holes out of yellow cardstock to make it look like a sponge. And you wonder why I haven't been blogging?

Fun and Games with Ethan

Once again, we happen upon the adventures of young Ethan, who, although thankfully (seriously, I thank the Potty Gods daily) is now toilet trained, still needs an adult to wipe him. The other day he was upstairs in need of a hand so he yelled down at the top of his lungs (of course while his brother was napping) for me to go help.

I headed into the bathroom, noticed a Patrick toy and toothbrush from the sink and placed them on the counter (moms really do pick things up everywhere they go) and got down to business. After discussing the shapes of today's particular creations, I was washing my hands when the following conversation ensued:

E: Mom, you need to wash Patrick.

T: Why?

E: Because he fell in the toilet while I was pooping.

T: So you decided to throw him in the sink on top of your toothbrush?
E: What color is the toothbrush?

T: Blue.

E: That's not my toothbrush. That's Julia's.






And yes, he does accessorize his outfits himself.

Progress

Potty Training-The Eagle Has Landed. REPEAT: The Eagle Has Landed!!!! Woo hoo. After much torture, whining, begging, crying, yelling, and discomfort (and not just on the part of the trainee) we seem to be getting somewhere. I'm not saying it's all perfect yet, but we're definitely making progress. THANK GOD. There wasn't a magic moment where it all came together, but I planted the seed by telling him that he couldn't have his 4th birthday party if things didn't improve, that he'd have to stay 3 until he was out of diapers. That got his brain working and I think he's decided that mom is much more fun and happy and his life is much easier when Mommy isn't changing poopy diapers. Here's to more success.

Moving-Although we're making headway, things, as usual, are moving way too slowly for my taste. 90% of the work inside the house is done. Now it's all about getting this house organized, packed, and moved. Life is definitely getting in the way of that; there's always a lot going on and it's impossible to devote big chunks of time to that stuff when 3 kids need your care and attention. Standards must be lowered and time lines extended. That's all there is to it. Otherwise the stress will go up while the productiveness doesn't and we all know that is a recipe for my head exploding.

Toilet Training Updtate

The one with the poop wins.

What I Learned at Potty Training School

Oh no. Not another potty training blog post.

Oh yes. Some things, as they say, roll downhill. And if I have to deal with it, then you, my faithful (well, maybe not after this) readers, most likely will too. Needless to say, we still have not achieved the Holy Grail of Potty Training Success.

One of the many things I love about our pediatric practice (home of the beloved Dr. Greene) is their monthly parenting workshops. They are facilitated by my pediatrician's wife, who is a family therapist, her husband, and one or two of the other doctors in the group. In the past I have attended workshops on such topics as discipline (twice) and I knew the subject of potty training was coming around again. Never thinking it would be an issue for us by January, I was sure I wouldn't need to attend again. But there I was Monday night, desperate to glean the one miraculous bit of information that would get us over this hurdle. Here is what I learned:

• Once you go to underwear, don't go back. Maybe someone should've pointed this out 6 months ago.
• No matter how big or small the crowd, it is a given that there will be that one annoying parent in it.
• Preschoolers are way too smart for my own good and they can play you like a violin.
  
• Cars and bushes are not the optimal places to go potty.
• As excited as you may be that your 2 year old achieved potty training success in a week and is now dry day and night and poops in the potty and probably already has a genius IQ to boot, the rest of us don't want to hear about it. Why the hell are you here anyway?
• I shouldn't nag. What? I might as well chop off my arm. What are mothers for, if not to nag?
  
• If you have a 2 week old and a 16 month old and the newborn isn't quite nursing right and the toddler thinks that when his dad pees he can play in it like a fountain, it's probably too soon to start training him, even though your maternity leave ends in 2 weeks. Go home and go to sleep.
• No matter how bad I want to scream at the trainee, it is ill-advised and I Must Not.
• I should be so thankful to the gods that he's not twins.
  
• My son has a strong will and is testing me. No, really?
  
• External forces like grandmas and preschools are dangerous for this delicate process. Never mind that my mom is practically my kids' other mom and my mother in law arrives for a visit tomorrow.
• Wine helps. This one wasn't actually advocated by the pros, but it's something I've learned from my own experience and felt like I should share.
  

So here we are again. We've stocked up on underwear: Thomas, Cars and colors "just like Daddy's." I have put a smile on my face and sweetness and patience in my voice (see why I need the wine?) and kept him home from school today so we can get lots of practice. The pee and poop are flowing freely, sometimes even in the toilet. It'll be a rough few days around here but I'm hopeful this time will be the last. I know, we've all heard that one before.

Book Review: Toilet Training the Brazelton Way

Unlike my last book review, I've actually read this book, and, incidentally, don't I just read the most interesting books? So while the review is refreshingly not half-assed, the book kind of is.

This is a good book for anyone who has not yet begun toilet training his or her first child. It gives you lots of advice on how to ease into the process and go about the whole annoying business with a lot of patience and a really long time line. However, it is also useful if you are deep into the potty training process. So deep, in fact, that according to some grandmothers you are a good year behind schedule. In such a situation, it is really good at pointing out every single mistake you made, each time you put too much pressure on your poor bladder-challenged child, and all the long-term damage you may have caused in your unreasonable haste. Really, you are a horrible mother. Whatever gave you the idea that you should reproduce?

This book does have some positive things in its favor. First off, it's really short. Second, it gave me the suggestion to put my kid on the toilet backwards, facing the wall. Genius! No more precarious situations with me squatting and trying to balance both my weight and that of a squirmy little boy who is convinced he will fall in and be flushed away. Finally, it's given me a little more freedom to back off and take the trainee's lead. He's making sloooooooooooow progress and I'm trying not to lose my mind.

This definitely is not a magic bullet, train your kid in a weekend kind of book. But, if you and the kid are headed into the bathroom and you know you'll be in there so long you decide to bring an overnight bag and a cold beverage, it's the perfect size to use as a coaster on the edge of the bathtub.

How to Make Friends and Irritate Your Mother or Adventures In Potty Training

Allow your mom to put a pull-up on you. Promise promise promise that Buzz will keep his airplanes this time (they magically disappear when they get wet). Elicit a promise from her that if he does, you get candy.

Pee in your pull-up, then demand a bathroom break. Dribble 4 drops of pee into the potty, the rest of it already being in the pull-up, and proclaim the bathroom break a success. Insist on wiping yourself, flush, demonstrate a flushing toilet, wash your hands, get water all over the bathroom. Demand candy for your success because you did after all squeeze out a few drops and there was one corner of one airplane that hadn't disappeared by the time the pull-up came off. Get a lollipop just so your mom can you the hell out the door to Costco. Promise promise promise that you'll save your lollipop for after your pizza. Ask 90 magillion times if you can have just one lick before the pizza.

Roll all over the nasty Costco bench as you eat your pizza while your mom cuts yours, eats hers and feeds nasty looking pea baby food to your brother who doesn't really like it. Ask if you're being a big boy. Make your mom late so she has to shove the rest of your pizza in your mouth 3 bites at a time. Ask if you're being a good boy. Ask for ice cream.

Get your lollipop at last.

Tell every single person you come across at Costco that you get candy when you have a bathroom break. Invite the checker to come to the bathroom at your house 'cause maybe your mom will give him candy.

Go to school with your mom and brother to pick up your sister.

Go hide behind the classroom where your mom can't see you.

Poop in your pull-up.

Pooped

I'm throwing in the diaper, at least for the time being. Potty training is being temporarily suspended at our house. One very stubborn boy + a harried mom with an infant does not equal quick or easy potty training success. We definitely had our good days and he's on his way, but I have had one too many days of cleaning up all the things that come out of a boy's bottom half; one too many sessions sitting on the bathroom floor begging, cajoling, pleading, bribing, negotiating and sometimes yelling for him to do his thing, usually while the baby is off crying somewhere. This is the boy I love to pieces and this was starting to get in the way of that. Let's just say we weren't really enjoying each others' company. The grandmas may be horrified, the other moms may squawk, and the preschool lady will most certainly wag her finger. I'm going to trust in time and peer pressure and give it another go in a few weeks. In the mean time, we've had a lovely weekend with none of the stress and tension that we've been having lately. Sometimes, you just need to know when to let go.

My Boy

This boy has been blowing me away lately. Aside from the general cuteness, the blond curly hair (blond by my family's standards, at least), the singing, the laughing, the way he mispronounces things (we put on "sunscream" and go shopping at "Old Maybe"). Until a few months ago, he was the baby. Everything he did was viewed, evaluated and analyzed within the context of his older sister and when and how she did those things. Or in the case of the monumental messes he makes, the fact that she never did. Then the little guy came along and he became The Middle Child. And as much as it kills me to ever try to put a lid on his exuberance and joy, sometimes the baby really does need to take a nap.

But recently it's becoming more and more apparent that this boy is bright and smart and perceptive in his own right. He pays attention when you read to him. He listens, observes, and draws his own conclusions. Last week at lunch he had a couple of tortilla chips. He asked for "3 more to make 5." I was blown away. Math? Him? Really? Maybe he's been counting his Thomas trains while I wasn't paying attention. Then last night while we were reading a book I told him that M-O-O spells Moo (having already mastered English, I thought we could move on to Cow). He agreed wholeheartedly and added that Z-O-O spells "zoo." He kindly pointed it out to me on the page. What? How did he know? So I added that two O's together sound like "oo." Again, he agreed. "Yeah," he said, "like 'food.'" I had to pick my jaw off the floor after that one. How does he know these things? It's not like his harried mother has actually sat down and taught him. Today, when I asked him what M-O-O spells, he happily and confidently responded "Zoo!" So he's not ready for kindergarten yet. That's ok.

But, as any mom of a toddler will tell you, superior brain power really isn't the most important for our little darlings at this age. We take for granted that they'll eventually learn to read and write and add and all that school stuff. What we really get worked up about is their keeping their little tushies dry and learning to use the potty. I was starting to despair of this ever happening with my boy and was resigned to months more of disgusting diapers. With the looming deadline of the start of preschool starting at us, some of us moms were even starting to devise secret strategies of sneaking our kids in class wearing Pull-ups and putting the fear of God into them about daring to poop during school. But today, he did it. After months of bribes and cajoling and threatening and encouraging, he not only stayed dry most of the day but he POOPED IN THE POTTY!!!!!!!!!!!! Much celebrating ensued. An urgent call was placed to Daddy and Big Sister. Tomorrow the Grandmothers will be notified and, sadly, they will be forced to find something new to lose sleep over. The best part was watching how proud he was of himself, knowing that he did it when he always thought he didn't know how. Way to go, little dude.

So here he is with his M&M stained face (apparently they melt on your face, not in your mouth), rosy cheeks, chipped tooth, and big scab from a recent run-in with the pavement. He wears his joy not just in his smile but in his eyes. Always has. He's the boy I never knew I wanted, the one who, by all rights, should never have been born. He's the light of my life and the laughter of my days. And today, he's a Toileteer.