Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Sometimes A Girl Needs Her Girlfriends

So it goes like this. On top of the daily exhaustion of moving in early April, unpacking (ha!), and being a mom of 3 kids who keep me totally busy, over the last few months a sort of weirdness crept in. Sadness, sometimes. Other times, a feeling of hopelessness that the world is nothing but disease and death and we're all doomed to an unpleasant fate which makes the rest of our days mundane at best and not at all worthwhile at worst. An anxiety attack, and the anniversary that you already know about, and icky symptoms like headaches, killer fatigue, nausea, stomach loveliness, etc. landed me back at my doctor's office early last week.

The result, thankfully, is that all my blood work is normal. This is, therefore, some hormonal/depression thing due to either:

a) irregular periods caused by Mr. Bunch who still has no interest in being weaned;
b) delayed post-partum depression, which apparently can hit any time in the first 2 years after childbirth;
c) PMDD, which from what I understand is PMS on some heavy-duty steroids.

Whatever it is, I hate it. I want my happiness back. I want my energy back. I want to enjoy my home and my family and the summer without wishing every morning that I could just crawl back into bed. I want to stop thinking about everything awful in the world and just take delight in the dumb little things that used to make me so giddy.

Now as dire as that sounds, it's not all gloominess around here. The kids keep me laughing every day. I do notice some things helping and there is definitely a monthly cycle component that I'm exploring. If things get worse, my doctor is in the loop and pharmaceutical avenues will be followed. Of course, that brings us back to weaning that stubborn boy, but that's another post.

So, thanks to all of you who've expressed your support and concern. I really appreciate all of you so much. It seems this stuff is pretty common, but no one ever told me until I mentioned it. Along those lines, if you could share your own PPD or baby blues, or PMS or PMDD stories along with what helps/helped you get through, I would sure appreciate it. There are good moments and hard moments in every day, but I find that the easiest ones are the ones which I share with my wonderful friends and family. Thanks.


Anonymous said...

Any kind of depression stinks! I was diagnosed with clinical depression approximately 4 years ago and spent an entire year in therapy and on medication. I was not thrilled with having to take something, but have since decided that it's the best thing! I would take it again if I felt I needed too. I get terrible PMS...just terrible. Now that I have had a partial, I still get it because I still have my ovaries, which, in a way, kinda stinks because now I just get PMS for nothing!!! I'm terrible too. I get mean, ornery and just overall a not nice person. I get depressed, cry for no reason or when I see a commercial. I try to exercise more when that happens (endorphins are great) and I try to minimize the caffeine intake! Does it help? I've no idea, but I try! And music. Music is my savior. I listen to music whenever I can now rather than t.v. so that I cannot possibly hear about all the bad going on in the world. I'd rather be a little more blind and a lot more happy!

OneScrappyChick said...

(((((((((((( T ))))))))))))))))

Sometimes just getting out of bed is all anyone can ask of a person. You keep hanging in there... I'll keep praying for you.

Nik Just Nik said...

Oh sweet... I am sorry this got so much worse for you.. you know I am here whenever you need to talk to someone.. I have been there and live with it everyday of my life...

Even though I am so far away please know that not a day goes by that I do not think of you and how you are doing.. or wish that I was so much closer...