Sometimes A Girl Needs Her Girlfriends

So it goes like this. On top of the daily exhaustion of moving in early April, unpacking (ha!), and being a mom of 3 kids who keep me totally busy, over the last few months a sort of weirdness crept in. Sadness, sometimes. Other times, a feeling of hopelessness that the world is nothing but disease and death and we're all doomed to an unpleasant fate which makes the rest of our days mundane at best and not at all worthwhile at worst. An anxiety attack, and the anniversary that you already know about, and icky symptoms like headaches, killer fatigue, nausea, stomach loveliness, etc. landed me back at my doctor's office early last week.

The result, thankfully, is that all my blood work is normal. This is, therefore, some hormonal/depression thing due to either:

a) irregular periods caused by Mr. Bunch who still has no interest in being weaned;
b) delayed post-partum depression, which apparently can hit any time in the first 2 years after childbirth;
c) PMDD, which from what I understand is PMS on some heavy-duty steroids.

Whatever it is, I hate it. I want my happiness back. I want my energy back. I want to enjoy my home and my family and the summer without wishing every morning that I could just crawl back into bed. I want to stop thinking about everything awful in the world and just take delight in the dumb little things that used to make me so giddy.

Now as dire as that sounds, it's not all gloominess around here. The kids keep me laughing every day. I do notice some things helping and there is definitely a monthly cycle component that I'm exploring. If things get worse, my doctor is in the loop and pharmaceutical avenues will be followed. Of course, that brings us back to weaning that stubborn boy, but that's another post.

So, thanks to all of you who've expressed your support and concern. I really appreciate all of you so much. It seems this stuff is pretty common, but no one ever told me until I mentioned it. Along those lines, if you could share your own PPD or baby blues, or PMS or PMDD stories along with what helps/helped you get through, I would sure appreciate it. There are good moments and hard moments in every day, but I find that the easiest ones are the ones which I share with my wonderful friends and family. Thanks.