Thursday, January 11, 2007

What I Learned at Potty Training School

Oh no. Not another potty training blog post.

Oh yes. Some things, as they say, roll downhill. And if I have to deal with it, then you, my faithful (well, maybe not after this) readers, most likely will too. Needless to say, we still have not achieved the Holy Grail of Potty Training Success.

One of the many things I love about our pediatric practice (home of the beloved Dr. Greene) is their monthly parenting workshops. They are facilitated by my pediatrician's wife, who is a family therapist, her husband, and one or two of the other doctors in the group. In the past I have attended workshops on such topics as discipline (twice) and I knew the subject of potty training was coming around again. Never thinking it would be an issue for us by January, I was sure I wouldn't need to attend again. But there I was Monday night, desperate to glean the one miraculous bit of information that would get us over this hurdle. Here is what I learned:

  • Once you go to underwear, don't go back. Maybe someone should've pointed this out 6 months ago.
  • No matter how big or small the crowd, it is a given that there will be that one annoying parent in it.
  • Preschoolers are way too smart for my own good and they can play you like a violin.
  • Cars and bushes are not the optimal places to go potty.
  • As excited as you may be that your 2 year old achieved potty training success in a week and is now dry day and night and poops in the potty and probably already has a genius IQ to boot, the rest of us don't want to hear about it. Why the hell are you here anyway?
  • I shouldn't nag. What? I might as well chop off my arm. What are mothers for, if not to nag?
  • If you have a 2 week old and a 16 month old and the newborn isn't quite nursing right and the toddler thinks that when his dad pees he can play in it like a fountain, it's probably too soon to start training him, even though your maternity leave ends in 2 weeks. Go home and go to sleep.
  • No matter how bad I want to scream at the trainee, it is ill-advised and I Must Not.
  • I should be so thankful to the gods that he's not twins.
  • My son has a strong will and is testing me. No, really?
  • External forces like grandmas and preschools are dangerous for this delicate process. Never mind that my mom is practically my kids' other mom and my mother in law arrives for a visit tomorrow.
  • Wine helps. This one wasn't actually advocated by the pros, but it's something I've learned from my own experience and felt like I should share.
So here we are again. We've stocked up on underwear: Thomas, Cars and colors "just like Daddy's." I have put a smile on my face and sweetness and patience in my voice (see why I need the wine?) and kept him home from school today so we can get lots of practice. The pee and poop are flowing freely, sometimes even in the toilet. It'll be a rough few days around here but I'm hopeful this time will be the last. I know, we've all heard that one before.


OneScrappyChick said...

you know what worked for me both times? I hung a huge piece of paper by the bathroom... and each time they went potty they got a sticker for the "potty chart".. once the paper was covered with stickers, they got to go to the store and buy a new toy.

Kim - ScrapToMyLu said...

oh the joy! Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Good luck Hon. Just know that when it's time, it will catch on in a flash and you'll not even remember how long it took.

Tracie said...

Where was the part where they said, "don't worry they'll surely be trained by the time they reach Kindergarten"???

I did the sticker chart thing too, worked for 1 but not both - it's a process that is perceived differently by all (kids we are talking here) and my 4-year old cannot be arounsed in the wee hours to go pee so he's STILL in pull about annoying and patience pushing.....(now where's that jug of wine???)