Golden Globes Fashion Wrap-Up!

Because I'm totally shallow and I pretty much only watch awards shows for the dresses, I thought I'd share with you my catty comments about the presenters, winners, etc. kind of in order of their appearance.

Jennifer Lopez-Thumbs Down. Great dress, great color, but not on her. It totally accentuates her hips and butt and she doesn't really need any help there. The hairstyle is also too severe and doesn't help the look at all. Too bad.

Kate Winslet-Thumbs up. Understated, classy and that accent makes her seem even more elegant.

CNN-Big Thumbs Down. Have you heard of the West Coast geniuses? Way to splash the winners on your home page. and spoil it for those of us who thought we'd actually watch the show to learn the results.

Sting-Eh. Not loving the Castaway look but still, he's Sting.

Eva Longoria-Thumbs Up. Gorgeous color and a very pretty dress that only she could pull off. I'm not loving all the cleavage, but that's just me and the pretty scalloped edge does showcase the girls nicely. I would've liked to see some gems around her neck (rubies or sapphires would've been great), but still, she looks beautiful and very ladylike.

Miss Golden Globe-Whatever.

Laura Dern-Thumbs down. Her dress and jewelry are pretty enough, but I feel like she could have looked so much better. Her dress, though nice, was plain and she could have looked really amazing. Plus, political speeches annoy me.

Eva Mendes-Sadly, thumbs down. I would've loved to give her a thumbs up because I saw her necklace on the red carpet footage and fell in love with it. Gorgeous. But her dress looks like it's throwing up and her hair looks like my 3 year-old cousin Sophie put it up for her. No offense, Sophie.

Anna Paquin-Holy shit! When did Anna Paquin grow up? And go blonde? I like her updo, and her ability to resist the urge to get breast implants. But she has got to stop going to Letterman's dentist.

Ricky Gervais-Two thumbs up. Hilarious. Never disappoints.

Best Motion Picture, Animated-Woo hoo!!! Finally, a category I've seen all the nominees of!

Sally Hawkins-for God's sake, eat a sandwich. And some pasta. With butter. And bacon. And a chicken. I'm afraid she won't have the stamina to walk all the way to the stage to accept her award.

Drew Barrymore-Thumbs down. Drew, HURRY! Get back in your time machine and fire your stylist. Have you happened to look in a mirror tonight? I did see her purse on the red carpet and it is so pretty, as is her jewelry, but it's not enough.

Demi Moore-Thumbs up. She looks gorgeous, although the halter on her dress doesn't look like it belongs there, and also looks like it's strangling her. But she looks lovely. Too bad she looks better than her daughter.

Waltz With Bashir-woo hoo and a hearty Mazal Tov.

Maggie Gylenhaaalll-Thumbs down. Not liking the poofy curtain dress. And the updo makes her look old. And the earrings don't go.

Laura Linney-Thumb sideways. If Stacy and Clinton and I have said it once, we've said it a thousand times, "If you wear a color that's too close too your skin tone, it makes you look washed out." So, even though her dress is gorgeous and someone else would look great in it, Laura Linney, who is the same color from hair to skin to dress, looks like a big, beige blob.

Elizabeth Banks-see above. And her dress looks like it's been done before.

Seth Rogin-Looks good, sounds dumb. Find a new shtick.

Slumdog Millionaire-Woo hoo. A win for best screenplay and a bunch of other stuff, including Best Picture. Duh. It was SUCH a good story! Slumdog Millionaire screenwriter: your shirt is too big.

Amy Poehler-Good enough for a new mom. Please, please, please come back to SNL Amy.

Grim Reaper Anti-Tobacco Ad-Thumbs up. Such a good ad. Seriously, who still smokes?

Renee Zellwegger-There are not enough thumbs in California to point downward. WTF??? Is Renee maybe preparing for a role as a crazy white trash spinster? Did she piss off her stylist who put then put one over on her a la "The Emperor's New Clothes?" Has she finally gone over the damn edge? Or did someone bet her that she couldn't possibly show up looking worse than she ever has in her life? If so, they so lost that one.

Megan Fox-Thumbs up in a big way. Gorgeous dress. Could've chosen nicer jewelry. Overall, the look is wonderful, but the tattoos, not so much.

Paul Giamatti-An accomplished actor, to be sure, but to me, he'll always remain Pig Vomit.

Glenn Close-Thumbs down. She looks like the matronly 2-pack a day smoking hostess at your local family-owned Chinese restaurant. Patty Hewes wouldn't have been caught dead in that getup.

Tina Fey(lin)-Hate to say, thumbs down. She would have looked so great in a beautiful jewel tone. Her hair and makeup are also too severe. She could maybe borrow Jane Krakowski's stylist next time? Then she could look old and wear the same color as everyone else.

Pierce Brosnan-DREAMY!!!! Always. Same with Kiefer Sutherland.

Kate Beckinsale-Eh. Again. love the dress, not the jewelry and hair. And curiously, the top of her dress makes me want to go find some raspberries and chocolate shavings to put on top.

Jane Krakowksi-Thumbs down. Another white dress. Blah blah. Cute haircut but her makeup makes her look old and dated. And she needs a better bra.

Sigourney Weaver-Yawn.

Sandra Bullock-Seriously? ANOTHER white dress? The other ones look better. I love ruffles, but Sandra's just make her look like a wedding cake. And not one of those cute trendy ones on Ace of Cakes.

Salma Hayak-Surprise. A white dress and an updo. She looks a little like the mummy with the wrapping and shirring. But in a good way.

Penelope Cruz-Thumbs up. An off white dress with just enough shimmer and sparkle. Her hair down (what a risk-taker!). Pretty jewelry and makeup. Well done.

Frieda Pinto-Thumbs way down. Too bad. She's beautiful. But her dress looks like a crumpled up grocery sack. So disappointing. I would've loved to see her in something bright and gorgeous. I'm so bummed about the dress that I won't even say anything about her carrying her evening bag onstage. It's her first time at the Globes; she'll learn.

Cameron Diaz-Thumbs up. Color at last!! A pretty coral shade and her hair down and flowing. She can sometimes make questionable wardrobe choices but tonight she picked a winner!

House-Damn! I was so rooting for House. Mad Men Shmad Men.

And there you have it loyal readers. Another awards show, another 3 hours of me commenting on celebrity wardrobes as if I have a clue what I'm talking about. It was a fun show, especially with all the Brits saying "Mumbai" over and over. Loved Sascha Baron Cohen. And Tracy Morgan in his white jacket. Kate Winslet was lovely and I have a feeling she'll be giving a few more acceptance speeches before the awards season is over. Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange seemed drunk. And seeing drunk celebrities is is why you tune in to the Golden Globes after all. Speaking of celebrities, we saw Charlie Sheen at lunch today.

An 80-degree January day, celebrity sightings at lunch, and an inconsequential awards to show to blather on about. Really, a perfect Los Angeles day.